


my choices are as fragile as my heart

by toflowerknights



Series: the Skybox series [5]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-01
Updated: 2014-08-01
Packaged: 2018-02-11 09:40:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2063265
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toflowerknights/pseuds/toflowerknights





	my choices are as fragile as my heart

They treated him like royalty. Apparently rumours traveled fast and everyone wanted a look at the guy that had walked in space. The minute Finn passed through the doors to the skybox everyone cheered for him and he couldn't help the laugh that escaped his lips. The guard leading him in hit the back of his head in dismay and for some reason that only made him laugh harder. The absurdity of the situation got to him and he didn't stop laughing until he was shoved into his cell. It was a tiny square with nothing but a bed and window showing him the stars he had been so close to just a few hours earlier. It wasn't that different from what he was used to, except the fact that Raven wasn't there. The lack of her presence dug a whole within him and he wondered if she knew what had happened to him. He suddenly felt bad for leaving her alone, even though he knew she would be more than okay. She was strong, stronger than him. Yeah, she'd be alright.

He spent his first night in lockup sitting on the floor with his back against the wall, eyes firmly on the door. They hadn't managed to float him yet, but that didn't mean they wouldn't keep trying. The rage in the council's faces over his crime was enough to stay alert, for his own good. Finn felt a pain start building in his lower back, relished in it, knew it was because he was alive, that he was still breathing and that he was hurting by choice. He was still alive.

Finn opened his eyes the following morning and found himself staring into the eyes of the same guard that he brought him into the skybox. The loathing in the man's eyes made him smile widely and nod in greeting. A tray of food was slammed down on the ground and Finn gave the guard a little wave as he locked the door behind him. A lovely way to start his morning. He was dimly aware that the ration he was given was marginally smaller than he was used to. Finn wondered if it was standard procedure or if he was just special. He ate the food, wondered if Raven was punching a pile of scrap metal in rage and waited for them to let him out of his cage.

The moment he stepped out of the door he was swarmed with people asking him questions he didn't know the answer to like, _How was it?_ , _Was it cool? Was it awesome?_ and _Why did you do it?_. He answered as vaguely as possible, didn't care if it sounded believable and then went on a trip around the skybox. He tried not to feel irritated by the constant trail of people following him, but knew that it would grow old pretty quickly. He was the shiny new toy and they would find something new to play with before the month was up.

That became a routine pretty quickly and Finn got bored of it by the end of the second week. He was pretty sure that he knew of all the hidden places in the skybox. Where you could go if you wanted to trade stuff safe from the guards watchful eyes and where to go if you wanted to be... _alone_. He figured that out after he accidentally discovered two girls trading kisses and rough touches and when they realised he was there they broke apart with surprised yelps. Finn nodded toward them, gave them a smirk as if to say _don't let me disturb_ and then hastily turned back the way he came.

-

The first time he had visitation he nearly cried in his relief to see Raven. She looked exactly the same. Standing confidently instead of sitting down at the table they had given them. "Finn," she breathed and her face lit up with joy. He felt his face crumble and he dashed toward her. She was in his arms and he breathed in the familiarity of what had been his every night. It felt as if he was finally coming home after a long trip. Her hands went on auto pilot and found themselves in his hair. It was so ingrained in their systems that Finn couldn't help but laugh. He had missed her so much.

Hands trailed over her back and over her shoulders, and as they found her face he dipped his head down to kiss her for the first time in weeks. Her lips were as soft as he remembered. He thumbed at her bottom lip to make her open up for him, but as usual he was the one opening himself to her. A loud bang made them startle and pull back from each other. A guard was standing dangerously close to them and looked at them with distaste.

"No touching," he said gruffly and Finn mentally flipped him off. He sat down opposite Raven and took in her appearance one more time.

"Your hair is longer," he said softly and he could see her roll her eyes at the stupidity.

"I know, I grow it myself," she said and linked their feet together under the table. The guard coughed once but quietened immediately as Raven turned to face him with a raging look in her eyes. Satisfied with the response she turned to face Finn again. She shrugged when she saw his amused smile, but he could see the corners of her mouth turn upward. "How are you?" she asked and Finn wondered how much he could lie without her noticing. She looked at him pointedly and proved to him that he wouldn't get very far.

"It's alright," he said with a sigh and she scoffed loudly. "No, really. It's as I expected it to be." She nodded with squinty eyes and he knocked his knees into hers. That made her smile, and that was what was most important. They talked for the rest of the time about non important things to distract from the fact that Finn wouldn't be following Raven home when the bell rang. Raven kept smiling, but Finn could see it grow forced after a while. He was filled with regret that he had left her alone and the regretted regretting it. She would hate him if she knew what he was thinking. Raven was too wired into thinking that she could handle everything herself.

"You fucking stay out of trouble, you hear me?" she said when their time came to an end.

"Shouldn't I be telling you that?" he asked with a smile and wrapped her into an embrace once more. "I mean, after all. What could possibly be worse than this?" She punched him in the shoulder and then she was gone.

-

He grew thinner.

The rations kept their abysmal size and it showed in the way his t-shirt hung off his shoulders. Finn also grew tired. He wore a cocky smile to hide the fact that he didn't sleep at night. The other kids still thought that he hung the moon and it was getting tiring. He wanted to be left alone but somehow they never stopped wanting his company.

The only thing that kept him smiling was Raven's visits. She never missed one and he knew that she would show up even if he told her he didn't want her to. His track record was clean enough that they allowed her to visit him in his cell once a month and they were spent in his small box with a guard watching them laying wrapped up in each other. She would draw pattern on his arm and whisper things she couldn't tell him all the other times she visited. Things she didn't want anyone but Finn to hear. Like the fact that her mother had started drinking again and that Finn's mother was getting sicker and sicker. And that Raven was getting more and more known in the mechanic world. He knew how much it meant to her and felt his chest ache with pride. He wasn't surprised though. He knew she was bigger than everything the Ark could offer.

On his birthday she brought him a beanie and told him that his mother had died.

He felt oddly calm about it and didn't cry once. Raven asked how he was feeling and he couldn't say anything except that he was hungry. He held Raven's hand and saw the skin stretch over bones. He quietly wondered when she would outgrow him.

-

As the months passed he started accepting the fact that this was as good as it was going to get. He walked a bit straighter, smiled cockier and decided that he should use every advantage he could get. After a while his room was filled with trinkets and pieces of scrap he traded and he spent his days and nights making small statues out of junk. He built a world of his own inside his cell and smirked every time the guards confiscated them for being possible weapons. It was obvious that the council had told them not to, under no possible circumstances, make life easy for him. He didn't let that bother him, just kept working. The next time Raven visited he gave her his latest creation, said happy birthday and watched the light in her eyes blind him. Sometimes he felt bad that she loved him as much as she did, whereas he just felt cold.

He always felt lacking around Raven though, so that wasn't new.

Maybe the cold came from the fact that he wanted to survive. Maybe he needed to erase some parts of himself so that he wouldn't lose himself completely. He just hated that he had to compromise.


End file.
